A Brief History
by kalliopeia
Summary: It's fairly well known around Haven that Duke Crocker and Nathan Wuornos have History- it's just that they're not talking about it. A series of snapshots into their relationship, from age five to adulthood. Slash.


Age five.

They're playing cops and robbers among the boulders and driftwood of the beach. They switch roles every so often, as if the future doesn't have a plan. Each has a watergun and stick-turned-baton stuffed into their tiny pockets as they run around, shouting at each other in words to hurried and blurred for the adults nearby to understand. Their relationship might never be this pure again.

/

Age eight.

Nathan can't feel anything, and everyone's talking about it. Duke feels so betrayed that his friend never confided in him that he begins to turn his back on the other boy. He talks behind Nathan's back and adopts the mean names and insults that the other boys come up with. It's the first time Duke calls him a 'robot' and he's secretly a little relieved that Nathan doesn't seem too mad.

/

Age ten.

Duke can barely remember a time when he and Nathan were friends, and he doesn't recall it enough to miss it. Still, his days seem incomplete when the boys don't interact, so Duke makes sure to seek him out at school or at Little League or around town. The things that come out of his mouth are mean, and Nathan minds now.

Duke has a lot of friends, but no one really cares about him. Nathan doesn't have any friends, but everyone wants him to turn out all right. Duke doesn't really know which is better, but he's pretty sure he hates the other boy.

/

Age eleven.

Simon Crocker is a violent drunk (or maybe just a violent person- it's not like there's any functional difference) but it has never gone as far as it did last night. Duke wears long sleeves and is very careful not to move his injured shoulder. He hopes it doesn't need medical attention.

When Nathan mutters something under his breath at Duke that Duke can't hear, but is pretty sure is an insult, Duke grabs the other boy and wrenches his arm up and backward, as if he can transfer his own pain to the other boy. After all, Nathan can't feel it.

It's the first time things between them get physical. The look Nathan gives him might be the worst thing Duke has ever felt, but that doesn't stop him from doing it again the next time his father injures him. He keeps getting suspended. No one ever sees his own bruises.

/

Age thirteen.

Duke is now going through full-blown puberty. The girls like him well-enough- Julia Carr in particular seems to have a bit of a crush on him, although he pretends he doesn't notice. He likes them too. Their long hair and pretty scents and the early beginnings of curves appeal to him, but no one gets under his skin like Nathan Wuornos. He thinks that might be the worst thing possible.

When he hears that Nathan is interested in one of the pretty, popular girls, Duke rounds up some friends to sabotage the boy. They stick enough tacks in Nathan- tacks he can't feel, mind- that the girl is horrified by the blood and Nathan's awkward attempts at wooing fail dramatically.

Duke feels the same stomach-stirring unpleasantness he usually feels after these types of interactions, but it's countered by a sweet feeling of success. He tries not to think about it.

/

Age fourteen.

Nathan almost never misses school and certainly never leaves school partway through, but he was there during homeroom and is gone for English. Duke leaves after that class to go find him.

He finds Nathan standing on the beach, his shoes off and his pants rolled up, letting the waves watch over his feet. As he comes closer, he notes the look of elation on Nathan's face as the boy scoops some water to splash on himself.

"What's going on?" Duke asks before he can check himself.

Nathan turns and Duke is startled by how happy he looks to see him. "I can feel it," he says gleefully. The smile on Nathan's face threatens to blind him. "I can feel _everything_."

Duke blinks. "The Troubles are over?!"

Nathan nods, grinning. "Yeah. This is _fantastic_."

Nathan's smile has had weird effects on him for a while, and it's getting very contagious. Duke lets a tiny grin on his face. Before he's made a conscious decision to do so, he's kicking off his own shoes and wading into the water. They don't say anything else, but it's the first time in a long time that they've been okay.

/

Age fifteen.

Duke is sitting on the beach. It's dark already, and cold, and threatening to rain, so Duke feels safe exposing his latest injury so he can patch it up.

"What the hell happened to you?!"

Duke jumps, not having heard footsteps. He turns to spot Nathan standing about ten feet away, looking at his damaged side with what appears to be sorrow. He remembers, belatedly, that this is the same spot he found Nathan the day the Troubles left.

"It's not a big deal. I'm fine," Duke mutters, quickly covering himself up.

Nathan frowns. "Tell me what happened."

"Nope."

"You might not know this about me, but I'm very stubborn," Nathan says, folding his arms. Duke did know that. "And I am going to get it out of you."

This is weird. They've had a sort of truce since the Troubles had gone, but nothing close to friendship, so there's no reason for Nathan to feel any kind of loyalty.

"I'm stubborn too, and I bet I can outlast you," is what Duke finally says, still trying to figure out why Nathan cares at all.

Nathan raises his eyebrows, walks across the sand, and plops down next to Duke. "It's on. Look, my dad's a cop. If someone did this, he can make sure it never happens again." When Duke just glares, he sighs and adds, "I know a lot about first aid. If you show me, I might be able to help."

Duke's first thought is that the gesture is sweet, but he quickly pushes it out of his head on the basis of absurdity. "Nuh-uh. Go away."

"You're impossible," Nathan mutters, but he doesn't make a move to go. After a long moment, he says, "Come on, I'm better than the hospital, show me the-mmmph."

Duke doesn't really know why he's kissing Nathan Wuornos, but he doesn't know much of anything else at the moment either. He tastes like toothpaste and maple syrup and something Duke can't name. Nathan is stunned for a moment, but seems to like it, even reciprocate. Duke suddenly realizes what he's doing, pulls back, blurts an apology and runs for his sanity.

/

Age sixteen.

Sleeping with Nathan Wuornos is probably stupid, and doing so in Garland Wuornos' basement is _definitely_ stupid.

But lying there, breathing hard with the recovery, Duke suspects that he wouldn't actually notice if the Chief killed him then and there. The afterglow is hitting him hard.

Nathan is lying beside him, wide-eyed and breathless. Duke doesn't know what the hell Nathan is thinking, being with him- clearly, he could do better- but Duke is much too thrilled with the way things are going to point that out.

Still, the silence is beginning to worry Duke, so he prompts, "What are you thinking?"

"This physical sensation thing is totally awesome," Nathan said, giving Duke that soft smile of his. Duke loves that smile, but has to be on guard with it- that smile could easily make him swoon like an old-timey belle.

Duke laughs softly at that. "It's a good ability, that one. Although I wouldn't wanna be blind right now, either." He emphasizes this with a long look down Nathan's body.

Nathan blushes. "Fuck you."

"Again? I'm kinda tired," Duke jokes, before wrapping his arm around Nathan's sharp shoulders. "I wouldn't want to be deaf right now. Or lose the ability to taste." He considers kissing Nathan to emphasize that one, and kind of wants to, but postpones it on the grounds of cheesiness. "Or… is it gonna be a problem that your basement smells like sex?"

"We have Febreze," Nathan said tiredly. His hand is now tracing random designs on Duke's shoulder. It's very distracting.

Duke still isn't sure how exactly this happened. The sneak-attack kiss had happened just under a year ago. For the first month, Duke had avoided Nathan and ignored his confused looks, until finally Nathan cornered him and kissed him back. Duke can still hear the echoes of Nathan's whispered, "Tag." The next ten months had been spent with increasingly frequent and increasingly intense encounters out of view of the world and their own better judgment, finally culminating in this.

Nathan has already shyly confessed that this was his first time. Duke is still sitting on the fact that it was his too.

/

Age eighteen.

"Hannah Driscoll?!" Duke yells, bursting into the Wuornos household. He knows the Chief won't be home. He knows that man's schedule as well as anyone by now. "Seriously?!"

Nathan looks up from his pancake, his lip twitching slightly, a bit of mirth in his eyes. "What? You said we weren't dating, so this shouldn't be a problem."

Duke did say that, and he is very much regretting it. "Okay, yeah, but Hannah Driscoll? The Rev's daughter?"

"What? Like I can't deal with asshole fathers?"

This is a good point. Duke grinds his teeth. "I can't believe you slept with Hannah Driscoll."

Nathan shakes his head, stoically eating another piece of pancake. "I didn't. Naked meteor shower viewing, but no sex… at least not yet."

"Nope," Duke declares, marching over to the table, pushing away the pancake, and grabbing Nathan's face, forcing the other teen to look at him. "You are not going to sleep with Hannah Driscoll. Ever."

"I don't think you get to have a say in the matter. You know, since we aren't dating and all," Nathan says, smirking.

"I take it back!" Duke exclaims, struggling to keep his voice below a shout.

"Oh. So I can't sleep with, or make out with, or watch meteors naked with anyone but you?" Nathan asks.

"Right!"

"And you can't either?"

"Agreed!"

"Because we're dating?"

"YES!"

Nathan grins. "Great."

Duke squints as his frustration dies down and the picture begins to emerge. "Did you do this all just to get me to agree to that?"

"Yeah," Nathan admits unashamedly.

"That's very manipulative."

"Would anything else have worked?"

Duke glares at his… boyfriend, apparently. "I dunno whether to love you for being so crafty or hate you for using it against me."

Nathan blinks and Duke realizes belatedly that this is the first he's ever used the term 'love' and it's probably not okay to hit dating and love in the same five-minute span.

But Nathan just shrugs. "I wasn't really using it against you. Wanna pancake?"

Duke laughs and decides he was crazy for thinking he could ever want anything other than this.

/

Age nineteen.

"Get in the truck, Wuornos," Duke orders through the rolled-down window.

Nathan rolls his eyes, but obeys. "Hey. How was your day?"

"Oh, well, it was fine. I drove around, ate some food, won a boat, visited Vince and Dave-"

"You what?"

"Drove around. Ate food. Won a boat in a poker game. Visi-"

"What's her name?" Nathan asks.

"Vince and Dave. Although I'm pretty sure they're both dudes," Duke replies. Nathan punches his arm lightly. Duke laughs. "The Cape Rouge."

"Take me there now or I will commandeer this vehicle."

Duke rolls his eyes. "Where do you think we're going? And I'm pretty sure you can't commandeer things for another couple of months."

Nathan waves a hand. "Whatever." He's in the Police Academy, preparing to follow in his father's footsteps. Duke suspects that he isn't as sure about this career path as he pretends, but he never calls the other man out on it.

"So, shoot anything today?" Duke asks casually,

"Police training isn't just learning to shoot, Duke," Nathan says sternly.

Duke grins. "Okay, but did you?"

"…Yeah." Nathan tries to scowl, but can't make it stick. "Tell me about the boat."

That line of discussion takes them all the way to the harbor, where Duke tugs Nathan excitedly to where the Cape Rouge is docked. Duke gives Nathan the (short, but still very exciting) grand tour.

"There you go. She's all mine," Duke declares with a grand sweep of the arm. "And tonight, you and I are gonna celebrate."

"Gee, I wonder how we're gonna do that. Ice cream sundaes? A piñata?" Nathan asks sarcastically.

Duke grins. "Piñatas are cool, but no, that's not what I had in mind."

Nathan shakes his head, but there's a small smile on his face. He grabs Duke by the hand and pulls him below deck. "I kinda love you, you know," he says quietly.

Duke's face splits into a grin. "I didn't, but I'm really glad to hear it, because I kinda love you too."

/

Age twenty-two.

Duke is running very late, and he needs to get his boat out of the harbor before the tides change or it's only going to get worse. He has a package to pick up from Newfoundland, so he won't be back for a few days. He realizes with a groan that he'd forgotten to mention this to Nathan because they'd been having a fight, again. Normally he would write a note, but he doesn't have the time and, he thinks bitterly, it might do Nathan some good to miss him for a couple days.

He grabs one of Nathan's shirts for the journey, because it smells like him, and because Duke misses the man during these journeys more than he'll admit even to himself. Still, he reassures himself, it'll only be a few days. A week, maximum.

/

Age twenty-three.

It's been fifteen months since Duke has been in Haven. What started as a pickup in Newfoundland turned rapidly into a mob war in Nicaragua, and it took every bit of ingenuity in Duke's book to get out alive. It's the closest he's ever been to death.

He's walking along the dock when Eleanor Carr sees him and waves. "Duke! I heard you were set to dock today! I think Detective Wuornos wants to talk to you."

"You mean Chief? Or did he get demoted?" Duke asks.

"No, I mean little Wuornos. Not so little anymore though," Eleanor says, smiling.

Duke blinks, suitably impressed. "He's already a detective? He graduated the police academy four years ago."

"He's done very impressive work handling things around here. Got his shield after single-handedly talking down a Troubled woman holding her class of preschoolers hostage. Oh, there he is now. Nathan! Nathan, over here!" Eleanor calls.

Duke turns eagerly, desperate to see his lover's face after so long. He meets Nathan's eyes and is startled by the stony coldness he sees there.

Nathan crosses the street. "Hi, Eleanor. Hello, Crocker." Duke winces a little, but figures he has it coming. After all, he did vanish without a word for over a year.

"Nathan. I hear you've accomplished mighty things since I've been gone," Duke says, his voice a mix of apology and pride.

"I guess. It was nice to see you, Eleanor, but Duke's been away for a long time and he and I have some things to _discuss_," Nathan says coolly. Eleanor waves them goodbye, looking a little concerned.

They walk in silence to Nathan's nearby apartment. It's not until they're inside that Nathan looks at Duke again and the look on his face nearly breaks Duke in half.

"I'm sorry. I should have contacted you," Duke says, desperately needing Nathan to forgive him.

"Sure, let's start there. Yes, you should've," Nathan says quietly, so much anger and pain in his voice that Duke visibly cringes. "One day I get back to my apartment and you're just gone, and your boat is gone, and for all I know one of your charming criminal friends killed you and stole the boat. So I start looking for you, with a packed travel bag in my truck 24/7 in case you need me, only I don't know where to look. So I looked everywhere. The planet is a big place- hours, every day, I spent trying to find you, because I _loved_ you. Months went by before something surfaced. And you know what that _something_ was?"

Duke's face goes bloodless. "Oh, shit."

Nathan shakes his head disbelievingly and says what Duke is fervently hoping he won't say. "Evidence Ryan?"

Duke winces and rushes to explain. "I had to, Nathan, I was in a really bad situation and I had a plan, but I needed legal residency in Nicaragua. She has a student visa. I didn't want to and I don't love her, but marrying her was the best chance I had to survive and get back here."

That seems to mollify Nathan a bit. "And you couldn't find a phone to call and tell me this?"

"I should've, but I know you, and I know you would have rushed down on the next flight, and I didn't want you involved. It was bad, Nathan," Duke pleads. "I was so caught up in trying to get out alive. I didn't think. I'm so sorry."

"It looked terrible from my end, Duke," Nathan says tiredly. "I was so frantic to get you back, only to find out that you had gotten married… Does Evidence know that she's in a sham marriage?"

"Yes," Duke replies quickly. "She knew from the beginning. Happy to help."

"So she doesn't expect you back?" Nathan asks.

"Erm…" Duke ponders that one. "Don't know. Don't particularly care. She got what she wanted."

"Does she know about me?"

He shakes his head. "No. I made sure no one knew. I didn't want them thinking that they could use it to control me. It could have been dangerous for both of us."

Nathan nods, appearing to accept this. "And she knew the marriage was fake, so you didn't have to sleep with her-" He stops abruptly, seeing the grimace that Duke tried to hide. "You slept with her."

"I- yeah," Duke says remorsefully. He knows that another apology will do him no good, so he waits for the onslaught.

"How many times?" Nathan demands. Duke winces again and doesn't answer. Nathan laughs hollowly. "I can't believe I was actually about to forgive you."

"Please," Duke says, a crack in his voice. "Please don't do this."

"I didn't do this. _You_ did this," Nathan says angrily. "Do you have anything to say? Some clever explanation, some fabrication to defend yourself?" Tears have started running down Nathan's face, but he doesn't appear to notice.

Duke shakes his head. "It was a long time, and I was caught up in the situation, and… no, I don't. But I regret it with everything I have. Please tell me we're going to be okay."

Nathan's lips pinch. "We're not. I can't believe I wasted so much time on you. Please get out of my apartment."

Duke reaches for Nathan in a desperate attempt to make some connection; Nathan steps back and glares at him disgustedly. "I'm pretty sure I hate you, Duke Crocker." He punctuates this by turning his back and hitting the doorframe.

Instantaneously, Nathan's whole body freezes. He knocks his hand against the doorframe again, then smacks it hard enough to bruise.

"God, Nathan, are you-" Duke begins in a horrified voice, but he is interrupted when Nathan flings himself at him in a flurry of fists. Duke doesn't fight back. He's forfeited the best thing in his life, and stolen the ability to feel from the man he loves. He deserves it.

/

Age twenty-four.

They actively avoid each other. Duke is rarely in Haven. When they are forced to interact, Nathan treats him alternately with apathy and hatred intended to scar him to the bone. Duke finally starts fighting back, using plays from his ten-year-old handbook. That and the scar tissue he's built up are almost enough that the rare interactions don't hurt.

/

Age twenty-five.

FBI Agent Audrey Parker befriends both of them. She makes them deal with one another more often in the first few months than in the preceding several years. Part of Duke is grateful for that- despite everything, spending time with Nathan improves his life. Besides, it gives him the excuse he's needed to check up on Nathan. But part of him resents it and wants to stay well away from Nathan Wuornos- after all, it was much easier to convince himself he was over the man when they never saw each other.

Nothing is easy.

/

Age twenty-eight.

Nathan asks Duke if he's in love with Audrey. That's an absurd question, and Nathan has to know that, but Duke replies in the affirmative anyway. He knows what Nathan is about to ask, and he knows he would do anything Nathan asked of him, so this is a working excuse. He doesn't expect that Audrey will mind.

Duke knows Nathan well. When Nathan asks him to leap into an interdimensional portal that's in the process of imploding, he does, because Audrey makes Nathan happy. Duke can't put a date on when Nathan's happiness took precedence over his own survival, but clearly he is very doomed.

/

Age thirty-one.

Duke is nearly finished cleaning up for the night when there's a knock on the locked door of the Grey Gull.

"Closed!" Duke calls out. It doesn't discourage the knocker. Probably Jenkins again. Finally Duke sighs, sets down his dishrag, and walks over to the door. "I said that we're cl- Nathan?"

"Hi. I aim to purchase and imbibe an enormous amount of hard liquor," Nathan declares. Duke reads the distress in his eyes and holds the door open.

"Can't turn that down. Enter. What can I get you?" Duke asks. His tone remains light, but he doesn't disguise the worry on his face.

"A glass and a bottle of the strongest alcohol you have," Nathan mutters, approaching the bar.

Duke complies. "Okay, out with it."

Nathan pours himself a stiff drink, downs it, and pours another. "Audrey is having an affair."

When Duke stops spluttering incoherently, he asked, "What? Are you sure?"

"She admitted it," Nathan replies morosely, taking another swallow. "It's not really her fault."

"With who?!"

"Dwight. It's not really his fault either."

Duke is stunned. "I'm sorry, Nathan." Nathan gives him 2/3 of a nod. "So, whose fault is it?"

Nathan shrugs. "Mine. I might decide to blame you, too, but I haven't really processed enough yet."

Duke raises an eyebrow at the baldness of Nathan's words. "Right. Well, as always, I am available for scapegoating." He pauses. "Nathan, this wasn't your fault. This can't have been your fault."

Nathan gives him a dirty look and drinks some more. "I didn't love her like I thought I did. That's what fucked up our relationship."

Duke pauses, knowing that his role here should not be as an investigator and still desperately needing to know more. "She didn't have to cheat on you."

"Agreed. That was wrong of her," Nathan says, finishing the drink and pouring a third. "Could've been worse, I guess. She didn't marry him." "

Duke blinks, startled .This is the first time either has them has referenced their breakup since it happened.

"But I should have ended the relationship earlier," Nathan finishes, apparently not noticing Duke's surprise.

"Why?"

Nathan drinks some more. "My theory is that I was only really attracted to Audrey because I could feel her touch. She gave me what I hadn't had since… you know. When the Troubles ended, our relationship became increasingly platonic. I was never really in love with her. I wanted to be, because she made me feel real."

"You always liked the poetry of it. The only one who could make you feel," Duke murmurs, remembering the way Nathan had talked about it.

"Yeah. But she's not anymore, and at the root of things, I guess I never really felt that strongly about her as a person," Nathan sighs. "It was selfish, using her like I did."

"But you didn't have that figured out at the time," Duke reasons. "At the time, you were as genuine about it as she was." Nathan just finishes his drink. "You said that was your theory. Does she have a different one?"

Nathan nods, pauses, then says, "She thinks I can't love her because I never got over you."

Duke's jaw literally drops. "Uh, she knows about that?"

"Didn't tell her. Figuring this stuff out is kind of her thing."

"Right," Duke says slowly. "So how did she figure that one out?"

Nathan shrugs, refilling his glass. "I told her that my Trouble came back during a fight between us, just lied about the cause of the fight. She let it go then, but later pointed out that most of the Troubled people we see get it when a loved one dies, or some other horrible, life-scarring event, and a fight with someone I already disliked didn't fit."

"She's right. That was a dumb lie," Duke agrees.

"Yeah. After that, putting the pieces together wasn't hard," Nathan mutters. "She probably had it figured out long before she and I got together and just chose to let it go until she couldn't anymore." He finishes off his fourth drink.

Loud banging echoes from the door on the other end of the Gull. Duke grins apologetically at Nathan. "Probably just Jenkins again. I'll talk him into going to AA and be back in a minute."

When he opens the door, it isn't Jenkins.

"I did something stupid," says Audrey Parker.

"Yeah, you did," Duke says flatly. "I'm pissed at you. Go away."

"Nathan's already here?" Audrey asks. When Duke just glares at her, she squares her shoulders. "Good. You'll take good care of him. Don't let him do anything you'll both regret." With that, she turns and walks into the night.

Duke walks back to the table, where Nathan has put a sizeable dent in his fifth glass of whiskey and is starting to sway slightly on his stool. "Jenkins. Man hasn't had a drink in six years and isn't gonna start now, but still knocks on my door every few nights. I think he just likes the pep talk."

Nathan gives Duke a disbelieving look. "Did Audrey need anything?" His voice is starting to slur.

"Yeah, a conscience and a brain," Duke mutters.

Nathan shrugs, suddenly looking vulnerable. "Maybe she's not the problem."

"She's definitely the problem," Duke assures him. "And Dwight. He seemed like a stand-up guy."

Nathan ignores this train of thought and keeps drinking. "Am I impossible to be with?" His tone has its usual gruffness, but Duke hears the vulnerability, so he forgoes his usual callousness.

"No."

Nathan grunts. "Every relationship I have ends like this. Audrey. Jordan… well, Jordan was just a psychopath, so she's an exception. Jess didn't think I was worth sticking around for. And you… you."

Duke grimaces lightly. Him indeed. "Look, Nathan, I suspect you're drunk enough that this will be blurry in the morning, but be warned that if asked, I will deny that I ever said this. I've done a lot of stupid things, a lot of things I regret. So many that drawing up a top-five list would be a task. But without a doubt, the one thing I regret above anything else, was forfeiting us. You were the best thing in my life, and fucking it up is the worst thing I've ever done. If Audrey's dumb enough to make the same mistake, then I don't respect her opinion nearly as much as I thought I did."

Nathan stares at him, finishes his drink, and pours another. Finally, he says, "You told me you were in love with Audrey. Twice."

"Once, actually, and only on impulse. The second time I just niftily dodged the question," Duke says. Nathan just stares at him, not letting him get away with dodging again. Duke sighs. "I lied. It was easier. I'm frankly amazed you bought it."

"I didn't," Nathan admits, staring into his glass. "It was easier. Because I missed you too."

Duke just gives a jerky nod. He doesn't really absorb the words. He's not sure he'd be able to handle them. There's a long silence in which Nathan finishes his sixth glass of whiskey.

When Nathan speaks again, Duke struggles to understand the words through the slurring. "This alcohol thing is much better with physical sensation."

Duke snorts. "It helps that you've consumed nearly an entire bottle of my strongest whiskey."

He nods, refilling his glass and emptying the bottle.

A thought occurs to Duke. "Audrey's been living with you. Where are you going after you leave here?"

The glass pauses on its journey to Nathan's mouth. "Huh. I hadn't really thought about it."

"Room upstairs is empty," Duke offers.

The inebriated man shakes his head almost violently. "I'm not sleeping in Audrey's old bed. I'll go to a motel."

Duke laughs. "Oh, no you're not. Stay here and finish your drink; I'm gonna grab a cot from the storage room."

When he returns, he finds Nathan staring at an empty glass. He unfolds the cot. "Okay, you can just crash here- I don't open until 11."

Nathan starts to stand, but wobbles and leans on the bar. "Think I've drank enough to not remember this tomorrow?"

"Oh, most definitely," Duke agrees, moving to help drag the man to the cot.

"Tomorrow, when I ask you what happened, leave this out," Nathan instructs, before twining his fingers in Duke's hair and kissing him.

It's a clumsy kiss and he tastes all wrong, but Duke still gets pulled under. He hears a couple of tiny noises and isn't sure who makes them. When Nathan pulls back for air, he finds himself staring into blue eyes that shouldn't be this glazed.

Nathan moves to kiss him again, but this time Duke steps back, causing Nathan to stumble into the bar, looking confused.

"Nathan, you're drunk."

"Stipulated," Nathan agrees, moving for him again.

Duke pushes him back, gently but firmly. "Go to bed."

"You don't want to be a rebound," Nathan guesses stubbornly, hanging onto the bar.

"No, I'm happy to be your rebound, but you're too drunk to do this, and I'm leaving now. Get on the damn cot," Duke insists. Nathan doesn't look thrilled, but the desire has left his eyes, which have begun to droop. Duke finally manages to put the man's drunk ass in the cot and leaves.

/

"Wake up. Up. Up. Up-up-up-up-up!" Duke says, poking Nathan for emphasis.

"Uuurghh."

"There you go. Keep making sounds. Try to form them into actual words this time."

"Everything hurts," Nathan groans, shielding his eyes. "Why are you waking me up?"

Duke grins. "Because the Grey Gull opens in five minutes, and you're lying on a cot between tables. Here, I have water and painkillers."

Nathan accepts them gratefully, still squinting in the light. "How much did I drink?"

"I've served less to entire bachelor parties," Duke replies.

"Did I do anything stupid?" Nathan asks.

"You shared," Duke coos. "We had a bonding moment. From now on, you should just assume I know all of your secrets."

"Jesus," he mutters. Suddenly, he bolts up. "I'm late to work!"

"I called Dwight. Told him you're taking a sick day, and also to go fuck himself," Duke replies gently. "You're good."

Nathan slumps. "Thank god. I can barely see." He chugs the water.

"Right. Well, I need to go open up. Stick around if you want, of you can go to the Cape Rouge if you need space," Duke offers.

Nathan nods. "Thanks, for everything," he says quietly. "You had no reason to help me, and it probably sucked. You're a good person. Better than I've given you credit for." He hesitates, then puts his arms around Duke in a quick hug. Duke's heart does things he can't explain.

/

Age thirty-two.

"On my boat without a warrant? Naughty detective."

Nathan rolls his eyes. "Hi, Duke."

Duke hops onto the deck and sits down across from him. "No one called, so the cops don't need me again."

"They do not. And… we appreciate that you're so willing to drop everything and help us when we need it," Nathan says quietly.

"It's getting ridiculous. I'm a damn civil servant. It's ruining my reputation," Duke grumbles, wondering why Nathan really came but willing to let the man take his time.

"Your reputation as a restaurant owner? You haven't smuggled anything in years," Nathan points out.

This is a good point, but Duke is really attached to his bad boy image. "You don't know that. I hardly keep my cop friends in the loop on these matters."

Nathan doesn't smile, but Duke gets the feeling he kind of is anyway. "Yeah, yeah. Look. I am going to say something, and then I am going to leave. Don't interrupt me. Okay?" Duke raises an eyebrow and nods. "Okay. Sleeping with Evidence was stupid and wrong, and it was absolutely reasonable of me to dump you for it." This is not what Duke was expecting, but he keeps his trap shut and lets Nathan finish. "That said, that was ten years ago, and holding a grudge for that long wasn't reasonable. I should have let it go a long time ago. The problems between us now are on me. You… you have been incredible to me during those years. You've always been there when I needed you, without question and without any expectation of reward. I was being a petty asshole and you've been the better person. I can't understand why you put up with me and sacrificed for me like you did, but… but I recognize it and…" Nathan pauses, squeezing his eyes shut. "Look, if I had to pick someone to fall in love with, you would be at the absolute bottom of the list, but not for any good reasons. The way I was looking at our relationship is wrong. It's not that you don't deserve me. I don't deserve you. You have a lot of very good reasons to want nothing to do with me, and I know that. That said, I've come to my senses, and if at any point you decide you'd like to try again, I'm in." With that, Nathan stands and turns to leave.

Duke jumps up, managing to catch him by the arm. "Oh, hell no, you are not going anywhere, not after that!"

Nathan doesn't look him in the eye. "Why not?"

"Because I love you too, you idiot!" Duke cries.

Nathan blinks as a grin slowly begins taking over his face. "Really?"

"Yes! _God_, you're slow!" Duke exclaims, kissing Nathan frantically before stopping to yell at him some more. "Years- years!- I've spent pining after you, convinced you'd never forgive me and you never-" he pauses to kiss him some more, "-even picked up on it? I dived into the Barn for you," another PDA intermission, "I killed my brother for you! Of course I love you, goddammit!"

"Oh," Nathan says, dazed. "Good."

Duke growls, wrapping his arms tightly around Nathan's torso. "You are incredibly frustrating."

"Sorry." Nathan still sounds as though he'd been recently hit on the head with a brick.

Duke harrumphs. "Never again," he orders. "I love you. You don't get to pretend I don't anymore."

Nathan nods. "Never again," he echoes.

Fin.


End file.
